Author Archives: smileiswonder

About smileiswonder

The Adventures of the R & B Gang (As told from the wife's perspective.)

Butt-Pains

I knew from the beginning that Lil Man would be an awesome big brother, but I wasn’t totally prepared for how my heart would swell with love and pride as I watched him interact with his Bubby.

He’s been amazingly patient with Bubby, rarely mentioning the crying and enduring the sudden drop in attention gracefully. Lil Man always wants to read to his baby brother, hunts down pacifiers and comforts him, tells his friends to hush up so they don’t wake him. He asks if Bubby could please sleep in his bed…just in case there are monsters under the crib. (He likes to throw out logical reasons as to why we should agree to whatever it is he’s wanting. Its one of his things.)

Recently, however, Lil Man hesitantly told me, “Mommy, baby brothers are kind of a pain in the butt. And sometimes in the head…when he cries so much.” I laughed, and then told him, “You can be kind of a pain in the butt, too, and so can I!” (Maybe not the best thing to say, but it became a teachable moment!)

This prompted a discussion about how we can ALL be “butt-pains” at times, especially on our bad days. And while he was almost certain he’d never been one of those, he agreed that being hungry..or tired..or grumpy-without-reason..or hurt…can make you feel badly and it shows when you act out. Lil Man’s eyes lit up as he realized his frustration was understood and totally normal. He felt the acceptance he needed in that moment, and was able to take the lesson to heart.

We talked about how people, especially babies, don’t usually mean to be butt-pains. Sometimes it just happens in life as we react to the situations we are in or as a result of our needs going unmet. Sometimes, people act like butt-pains because they never learned a different way to handle what they’re going through. I explained that we can’t really change the person who is being a butt-pain, we can only change the way we respond to them in those moments.

This conversation was a good reminder for me to allow God’s grace to guide my response to others instead of acting out of my own hurt and pride. I realize that some butt-pains won’t ever be resolved as the unhealthy behaviors in others continue and escalate into forms of abuse and/or manipulation. But, while I don’t need to allow these things to keep repeating in my life, I can let go of the anger and allow healing to take place so that I can become a healthier version of myself and reflect God’s mercy and love instead of my own bitterness.

My sweet boys are teaching me that there is usually more to learn in every butt-pain moment than there is in the perfectly happy times, and that we should be grateful for both as we walk through our days. Lil Man really loves his Bubby.

Standing

So Much Love 

My Daddy

I wrote this poem about a month ago, and it’s been on my mind a lot. As his former dispatcher, I know my husband is well trained and ready to handle the tasks each day brings him. But as his wife and as a mother, I am less prepared to deal with the questions and emotions that sometimes come up. Regardless of what the day may hold, he continues forward. I will always be proud of the man that my husband is and the example he sets for our boys.

Jon

My Daddy

Before my daddy goes to work,

He kisses me goodbye.

I’m not old enough to know quite yet,

But my big brother will sometimes cry –

“When will he come back again?

I really want for him to play!

Will he be home for dinner, Mommy?

Or will the bad guys make him stay?”

Not even Google knows the answers

To all the questions that arise.

Mama will never say she worries,

And she considers each moment with him a prize.

But Mama’s thoughts are never far away

From the man who makes this home.

They hold Daddy close through every task,

It’s always to him that her mind roams.

There’s a darkness that I’m not yet aware of,

That daily threatens our family.

But Daddy goes out to face it down,

In the face of evil, he does not flee.

I want him to come back to us!

When he’s near, I always smile.

His voice is deep and comforting,

He holds me gently for a while.

Then Mama gets to talk with him,

He wrestles with my brother.

So quickly, he goes out once more…

…willing to lay down his life for another.

Mama tells us this is who Daddy is,

As he stands before the weak as a shield.

She says it’s because he loves us so much,

That he will forever refuse to yield.

And maybe, one day, I’ll be brave like him.

I’ll learn to seek that which is right.

Maybe, I too, will fight those things

That always ‘go bump in the night’.